Heaven Can Wait Page 9

  ‘Why? Can’t you find the person on your Task Objectives sheet?’

  ‘Oh, I found him all right.’

  ‘That sounds hopeful,’ I said brightly.

  Brian dropped two sugar cubes into his cup and stabbed them with his spoon. ‘It’s not.’

  God, sometimes having a conversation with Brian was like drawing teeth.

  ‘Why don’t you tell me what happened?’ I said.

  ‘OK, not that it’ll help.’ He sighed and stirred his tea. ‘I have to get a fifteen-year-old boy called Troy Anderson to admit he’s a railway enthusiast. He secretly loves trains, but his friends think it’s a deeply uncool hobby.’

  Not just them, I thought, but didn’t say.

  ‘Have you talked to him about it?’ I asked.

  Brian raised his teacup to his mouth and took a sip. I waited as he slowly lowered it again, clattering it onto the saucer as he did so, and blotted his moustache with a napkin.

  ‘I did speak to him briefly,’ he said. ‘Well, I introduced myself.’

  ‘And? What did he say?’

  ‘Fuck off, you paedophile.’

  ‘Oh.’

  I took a sip of coffee and tried to work out what to say next. When I looked back up, fat tears were rolling down Brian’s cheeks.

  ‘Oh God,’ I said, grabbing his big hand. It felt cold and clammy and his fingers were shaking. ‘It can’t be that bad. Maybe you could try talking to him again?’

  Brian shook his head and a tear dripped off his jaw and landed on his pastel-yellow jumper. ‘Why would he talk to me again? He thinks I’m a complete freak. I’m never going to complete this task, Lucy. And I’m running out of time.’

  ‘Is it the end of the world if you don’t pass your task?’ I asked. ‘Maybe you’d like it in heaven?’

  ‘No,’ Brian sobbed. ‘No, I wouldn’t. I want to be here. I need to be here.’

  ‘But they’re just trains,’ I said softly.

  ‘That’s like me telling you Dan is just a man,’ Brian said, his eyes wide.

  ‘But he’s the love of my life.’

  ‘And trains are mine.’

  There was something very tragic about a middle-aged man feeling that way about lumps of metal but, in a way, I understood him. Trains made him happy. They gave him a reason to get up in the morning. They probably made his heart beat faster too.

  ‘Brian,’ I said, not really thinking through the implications, ‘why don’t I help you with your task?’

  He stared at me for a long time and then placed one of his big paws on mine.

  ‘Would you?’ he said. ‘I’d be eternally grateful.’

  ‘It’ll be fine,’ I said. ‘Don’t worry. We’ll both pass our tasks. You’ll see.’

  He beamed at me across the table and I cringed inwardly. I wasn’t exactly making great waves with my own task so how the hell was I going to complete two?

  Chapter Twelve

  Wednesday 1st May

  Day Five

  Typical. Just bloody typical.

  My first day at Computer Bitz and it was raining. I’d spent hours straightening my hair and now it was plastered to my head like a stringy helmet. And my best suede boots were soaked. So much for making a good impression on Archie. He’d just have to take me as he found me.

  I took a deep breath, turned the door handle, and strode into the office.

  ‘Morning!’ I said with exaggerated cheeriness.

  Beardy Number One stopped typing, glanced up at me, and swiftly looked away again. He looked worse than I remembered. His long, greasy hair was scraped back into an elastic band and he was wearing a black T-shirt with ‘Gamer’ on the front in big white lettering. There was a blob of jam on the G.

  ‘Good God,’ Beardy said, staring intently at my boots. ‘We didn’t think we’d see you again.’

  ‘What can I say?’ I shrugged. ‘I was desperate for the job.’

  Beardy raised his eyebrows. Now he was looking somewhere over my left shoulder.

  ‘Is Mr Wellington in?’ I asked, leaning slightly to the left.

  ‘No. He’ll be in later today.’ OK, now he was looking at my boots again. ‘But we’ve set up a desk for you if you want to get yourself settled in.’

  He unfolded himself from his chair and stood up. Gosh, he was tiny. He was about five foot five and so skinny I could see his shoulder blades through his T-shirt.

  ‘You’ll be glad to hear we got you a top-spec PC,’ he said, weaving through the crowded desks. ‘Follow me.’

  Shit, I thought as he stopped in front of an empty desk in the centre of the room. Everyone will be able to see my screen.

  ‘OK,’ Beardy said to the middle of my forehead. ‘A few introductions, if I may.’

  Oh my God. I was going to get to meet Archie. I glanced around the room. Which one was he? Please, I prayed, please let him be the clean-shaved, short-haired one with 20-20 vision (I could always get him to ditch the Red Dwarf T-shirt and replace it with something more fashionable).

  ‘This,’ Beardy said, pointing to a spotty-faced guy with long, red hair who had the desk to the right of mine, ‘is Geoff.’

  I held out my hand. ‘Hi, Geoff. I’m Lucy.’

  ‘All right,’ he mumbled, his eyes glued to the glowing screen in front of him.

  Beardy seemed to think the introduction had gone well and pointed at the guy with bottle-top specs and long, greasy, black hair to my left.

  ‘This is Nigel,’ he said.

  Nigel looked up and gave me a yellow-toothed smile.

  ‘Pleased to meet you,’ he said, shaking my hand weakly.

  ‘One more for now,’ Beardy said, pointing behind me.

  Oh. It was Get Smegged Guy. Archie. It had to be. He had warm brown eyes and high cheekbones. Beyond the T-shirt and oily side-parting, he was actually a very nice-looking guy.

  I smiled down at him and held out my hand. ‘Hi, I’m Lucy.’

  ‘Joe.’

  DAMN!

  ‘I could introduce you to this lot,’ Beardy said, waving at the rest of the room while I deflated like a leaky balloon, ‘but Graham wants us all to go out for a drink at midday so you’ll meet everyone then.’

  ‘OK,’ I said, plonking myself into my chair. ‘Sounds great.’

  ‘I’ve got your log-in details here.’ Beardy handed me a piece of paper. ‘And Nasty installed all of the software you need.’

  I looked up at him. ‘Did you just say Nasty?’

  ‘He’s our network guy. Nice bloke. If anything goes wrong with your computer give him a shout.’

  ‘Why’s he called Nasty?’

  ‘Because that’s his favourite word to diagnose a problem. It’s like his catchphrase. Most people don’t know his real name. Anything else you need to know, Lucy?’

  ‘Your name,’ I said. ‘You never told me your name.’

  Beardy flushed with embarrassment and held out his hand. ‘Oh, yes, right. How very rude of me. I’m Archibald Humphreys-Smythe.’

  Chapter Thirteen

  I wasn’t sure whether to throw up my hands in despair or jump out of my chair and smother him with a bear hug. Instead I nodded and said, ‘Nice to meet you, Archibald.’

  I continued to stare at him, my heart thumping madly, as he wandered back to his desk by the door. I’d found Archie. I’d actually found him! But how was I supposed to find love for a short, skinny guy with long, greasy hair who couldn’t make eye contact for more than a few seconds? Had anyone invented a dating site called www.loveageek.com?

  ‘Everything OK?’ Nigel asked, raising an eyebrow at me. ‘You’re not planning on doing a runner, are you?’

  ‘No, nope. Just, er, getting my bearings.’

  Right. Yes. I was at work. I had to at least pretend to do my job while I worked out what my next move was with Archie. I swivelled to face my monitor. Oh no, I’d been given a PC. I hadn’t used one since IT classes at school. Everyone used a Mac in my old job.

  OK. First things first, turn it o
n. Shouldn’t be too hard.

  I pressed a large oval button with some blue squiggly writing on it and the monitor flickered to life. Phew. It was booting up. I glanced to either side to see if anyone was watching me but Geoff and Nigel, fat headphones jammed over their ears, were too busy typing to pay me any attention.

  Excellent. Now all I had to do was Google the web design programme to work out how to use it before anyone noticed I had no idea what I was doing.

  A shadow fell over my monitor as I tabbed between the program and the Internet instructions. I turned and stifled a scream. The man staring down at me was at least six foot eight, and had the biggest forehead and the thickest, blackest eyebrows I’d ever seen. He looked like Lurch from the Addams Family.

  ‘Hi,’ he said, holding out a spade of a hand. ‘I’m Nasty.’

  ‘Lucy.’

  ‘Everything OK?’ he said, crushing my hand.

  ‘Yeah, yeah fine. Just, you know, getting on with my work.’

  Nasty smiled. There was an enormous space between each of his tiny, peg-like teeth. He looked like a giant who’d been given a child’s incisors by mistake.

  ‘I just need to turn off your PC for a sec,’ he said.

  ‘OK, no problem.’

  I closed down all the programs on screen and then panicked. How did you shut down a PC? I couldn’t remember.

  ‘Um,’ I said, hovering my mouse over various buttons and icons. I could feel myself starting to sweat. ‘Do you want to do it?’

  ‘No,’ Nasty snapped. ‘Just shut it down. You know, Start, Turn off computer.’

  The typing on either side of me stopped. Geoff and Nigel were watching me and smirking.

  ‘OK,’ I said as the machine made a funny noise and started to shut down. ‘Done.’

  ‘Now turn it off,’ Nasty said.

  What was he on about? The screen was black. It was off, wasn’t it? I stared blankly at him and shrugged helplessly.

  ‘Turn it off at … the … main … switch,’ he said slowly.

  I was just about to poke the oval button with the blue writing when Nigel giggled. I glared at him.

  ‘The main switch is at the back,’ Nasty said.

  ‘Right, yes. I knew that.’

  I stood up, walked around Geoff and approached my PC from the back. A million wires and cables poked out at various angles but where was the main Off button? I glanced hopefully at Nigel and Geoff. They grinned inanely back. The room suddenly seemed very still. Even Archie was standing up at his desk by the door, looking bemused.

  ‘The Off switch,’ Nasty snapped, ‘when you’re ready. I don’t have all day.’

  I lunged forward and flicked the first switch I could see. There was a loud bang and then poof! a cloud of smoke billowed out the back of the PC.

  Oh. Crap.

  The entire office was silent for at least thirty excruciating seconds and then someone started to clap. Another pair of hands joined the clapping and then another and another. Before I knew it, every single person in the room was clapping and cheering. I stared at Nigel in desperation, but he was snorting with laughter and high-fiving Geoff. I seriously considered crawling under the desk and staying there.

  ‘Nice one, Lucy,’ someone yelled.

  ‘Umm,’ I said, looking at the network manager from under my eyebrows, ‘I think I killed my computer.’

  He raised a dark eyebrow. ‘Nasty.’

  During lunch, a sandwich and a pint of beer at the local pub, Nigel explained I’d accidentally flicked the voltage switch instead of the Off switch. I hadn’t killed my computer, but Nasty had taken it away to give it some nerdy TLC and make it work again.

  ‘I wouldn’t worry, Lucy,’ Geoff said. ‘On Nigel’s first day he mistook a variable for a string.’

  Everyone burst out laughing and I tittered, even though I had no idea what they were on about. Note to self: Google some geek jokes.

  ‘I should have mentioned in my interview that I’m a Mac girl,’ I said when the laughter finally died down, ‘but I didn’t want to make a fuss.’

  ‘Good on you,’ muttered Archie from the other end of the table.

  ‘Yeah,’ said someone else. ‘Open source software all the way.’

  Suddenly everyone became animated again, babbling away about Linux and Redhat and loads of other terms I didn’t understand. I glanced across the table to see what Archie was up to, but he’d slipped away and was standing at the bar, twisting his watch nervously and making no effort to attract the barmaid’s attention. I stood up, butterflies fluttering madly in my stomach, and sidled up beside him.

  ‘Thanks, Archibald.’

  He jumped, glanced at me and immediately looked away. ‘What for?’

  ‘For saying “good on you” when I said I was a Mac girl. I thought everyone would laugh at me.’

  He didn’t say anything, but I thought I spotted a small smirk cross his lips.

  ‘Oh I get it,’ I said. ‘You’re smiling because everyone’s already laughed at me.’

  ‘Sorry,’ he said, pulling at his watch strap and blushing furiously. ‘We shouldn’t have done that. No one wants to be embarrassed on their first day.’

  ‘It’s a bit late for that.’

  He was still making no effort to catch the barmaid’s attention, so I frantically waved her over.

  ‘I’ll have a gin and tonic this time,’ I said, ‘and …’ I looked at Archie, who seemed to have shrunk to almost half his diminutive height. ‘What would you like?’

  ‘A half of bitter please.’

  Bitter? No one under the age of forty drank bitter.

  ‘A half of bitter,’ I said.

  We stood side-by-side in an awkward silence as the barmaid clanked ice cubes into a glass and pressed it against the gin optic.

  ‘So,’ I said, attempting conversation again, ‘if you didn’t have to go back to work after lunch what would you be doing instead?’

  Archie shrugged his skinny shoulders. ‘Some coding or play some games.’

  ‘What kind of games?’

  ‘Computer games, of course.’

  Dark brown bitter spurted into a half-pint glass as the barmaid yanked the handle back and forth and I gazed at it, perplexed. There had to be more to Archie’s life than coding and gaming or I was in deep trouble. How many women’s ideal man is a short, long-haired geek? Not any I’d ever met. Still, maybe he had a nice car or a lovely house, something that might make him a bit more of a catch.

  ‘So,’ I said, taking a sip of my drink, ‘where’s home then, Archibald? Have you got your own place?’

  ‘Not as such,’ he said, shaking his head.

  ‘What does that mean?’

  ‘I live with my grandmother.’

  ‘Grandmother,’ I spluttered. ‘How nice.’

  Chapter Fourteen

  Thursday 2nd May

  Day Six

  Bugger. Archie was nowhere to be found on Thursday morning. His purple anorak wasn’t hanging over the back of his chair and his monitor was off. He’d steered clear of me on Wednesday afternoon and who could blame him? I’d practically spat gin at him when he told me who he lived with.

  ‘Nige,’ I said as I lowered myself into my seat. ‘Is Archibald about?’

  He peered at me over the top of his specs. ‘Why, got a soft spot for him, have you?’

  ‘No.’ I blushed furiously. ‘I just wanted to ask him a question about, er, the software I’m using.’

  ‘Ask Nasty.’ He tilted his head towards the network manager’s desk. ‘That’s his job.’

  Nasty caught my eye and flashed his beady teeth at me.

  ‘Maybe later,’ I muttered, cringing at the memory of my ‘nasty’ computer explosion. ‘I’ve got to do a report for Graham on the website first.’

  It was a shame Archie wasn’t in, but I had bigger things to worry about. Anna was meeting my fiancé for a drink that evening. I was going to see Dan again!

  My stomach flipped over as I walked into the White
Horse just after six. I had no idea what time Dan and Anna were meeting up but I didn’t want to risk missing them. I looked a state in my crumpled work clothes but I didn’t care.

  ‘Ah, it’s you,’ the barman said, taking in my creased black linen trousers and ink-stained white T-shirt as I propped myself up at the bar. ‘Another bad day?’

  I shook my head. ‘Actually, it’s been OK so far. I’ll have a white wine please.’

  I carried my drink to a table in the corner of the pub and sat down. Ten minutes passed but there was still no sign of my fiancé or my best friend. The pub had really filled up and I started to worry. There was a free table next to me and another one on the other side of the pub. How was I supposed to listen in to Dan and Anna’s conversation if they sat there?

  I was hit by a cold blast of air as the pub door opened and I looked up. A tall man with dark hair and a confused expression stepped into the pub. It was Dan! He was wearing jeans and the wonky green jumper I’d knitted him just after we first moved in together. He looked skinnier than the last time I’d seen him and his jaw was rough with stubble.

  Our eyes met and I caught my breath.

  Maybe the manual was wrong. Maybe, if you loved someone enough, you could see through the temporal twist. Maybe he knew who I was.

  Dan frowned and looked away. He had recognised me, but not as Lucy, as the weird, mute woman who had pounded on his door. My heart dropped to my stomach as he sat down at the free table on the other side of the bar and looked everywhere but at me.

  Five minutes later, Anna walked in. She looked even more radiant than the last time I’d seen her. Her hair was smooth and glossy and her skin was flawless. She was wearing jeans, heels and a white, Bardot-style, off-the-shoulder jumper. If she wasn’t my best friend I would have hated her.

  She smiled when she spotted Dan and drifted towards him. He beamed up at her, kissed her on the cheek and said something I couldn’t lip-read. Seconds later he was out of his seat and buying drinks at the bar.

  Now what? I needed to get close enough to eavesdrop on their conversation but there were two big problems: